Well, hello everyone :) or anyone who is reading this I should say. I haven't been writing a lot lately because, well, I am not sure what it is exactly I would quiet like to say. This past month, seeing as it has been a month since I have written, has been one of a kind. I traveled to New York City, found an amazing salon, and hopefully opportunity, experienced the Alexander McQueen exhibition at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, and discovered I am stronger then I know.
This past week I have come to the conclusion that I worry too much. Not that this is a new development or anything, I just have come to terms with the fact that I can not control anyone but myself. My happiness is not determined by someone else, it is not calibrated by the likes of someone else. it is and will be always determined by me. My sadness, my joy, my freedom, and my hope and faith in this life is in my hands. Where the hell have I been? To not have realized this before? However, that is life. My desire to be who I am at all times is tested so often that I forget who I am in the first place. And truthfully that scared the shit out of me. What I want from life isn't fortune, it isn't material objects, nor is it fame. What I truly want is to be happy. For as long as I can remember my happiness comes to me from making others happy, and I enjoy it! I enjoy seeing a smile being brought to someone else's face because I made a joke, or tripped on that invisible rock that seems to follow me around. My humor, my ability to give someone my smile when they are feeling low, that's what brings joy to my heart. This sometimes means I get hurt because people think that they are, and will be, able to walk all over me. But you know, for real, and for once I feel like telling everyone to kindly, and politely, shove it.
This may come to some as a shock, and it may take them some time to remove their jaw from the ground, but I feel as though it will liberate me in ways that I need at this moment in my life. However, my timing... well, let's just say it isn't always precisely accurate. I am a lover, a fighter, and someone that will remain loyal to you to the day that I die, but I will not be walked on.
I pride myself on who I am and what I know I can accomplish. My confidence needs a little work, my determination is at it's height. I know that I can do great and it is those that look down at me that keep me going. I wouldn't be able to feel at peace with this if it wasn't for someone in my life that has always proven to me since I met her that being a fighter means being who you are.
Lisa, if you're reading this, you have shown me what a true fighter is. We've had our ups and downs, and you have had a year that has served you things that you wouldn't have imagined, but your resilience, and strength has surpassed anyone's expectations. Eternally, and humbly I thank you.
Heres to the beginning of the rest of my life.
Cheers.
